Remembering Rubee - Photographs from Film

I was sieving through the albums of film photographs for a baby picture of my sister when i chanced upon a few pictures on Rubee. They were taken over the years before digital photography rapidly gained popularity.

This was him at around 4-5 years old - plump with a toothy grin and huge black eyes that sparkled of life that apparently seemed to last forever. A look that appeared after he bounced up to me whenever i reached home from school and subsequently, from work.

Have i mentioned how much Rubee hated bathing? Drying him was a chore and i had to resort to placing him on top of the washing machine! Like his owner, he was damn afraid of heights and would not attempt to jump off.

His coat was actually tri-colour but Rubee slowly turned white as he aged painfully. He had a long body, short legs and had been often been mistaken as a dachshund mix! Haha.

Looking at these old pictures, i could not help but miss his presence. For one, there's neither the irritating bark nor violent hug to greet me when i open the door to my house...

Aftermath of Rubee's Passing - Rubee's Corner

It seems like a long time has passed since my best pal moved up to the blissful land where he can eat as many durians as he could without any potential health risk.

Truth is, it is only a month plus a day after i made that painful decision to euthanise him.

Time does dilute pain, suffering and some times, even memories - both good and bad. Work plays an important part as well; it forces you to put aside any personal matter because YOU ARE responsible to your stakeholders.

Thing is; life goes on, regardless of what happens.

The weekend following Rubee's demise, i bundled up his possessions into a bag and donated it to Animal Lovers League - a non-profit organization that houses abandoned pets.

His ashes were collected back a few days later and the porcelain urn was kept beside the television since he had always been afraid of silence and did not enjoy being holed up in a fully enclosed space.

With the ongoing redecoration work in my room, i am finally able to squeeze out a corner that would rightfully belong to Rubee. This is something i promised him a few years ago.

And i am glad to be able to fulfill it.

Deep inside my heart, i know i miss hugging him and i seriously hope that with his ashes so near to me, i can occasionally feel him. Unlike Alex, i have not had the luck to feel Rubee's presence.

Unfortunate indeed.

For me.

Collection Of Rubee's Ashes

I received a call from Mount Pleasant Hospital (Springside branch) this afternoon. Rubee's ashes are ready for collection - the sombre words came out slowly and for that moment, tears welled up in my eyes.

My Rubee is finally coming back home....

The initial two days after his passing were torturing and painful as i asked myself if i have done the right thing by giving the permission to end his canine life. Accepting the reality that he is no longer around is also not an easy task.

A lot of trees (literally) were killed while composing the entry you see here; there were just too many pictures and too much memories of this naughty little shihtzu in the past ten over years.

Burying myself with work seems like the best way for me to get out of this depressive mood and i am glad i did. Work occupies my mind and i could not spare any time to think of Rubee.

But i do miss him terribly at night as i see an empty spot he usually occupied on my mattress.

I miss patting him to sleep, i miss the feel of his fur around my fingers as i slowly massaged him, i miss hugging him whenever he gave a cold shiver, i miss the wet patch of saliva he sometimes left on my bed...

Therefore i am really happy to collect his ashes today.

It feels like he is finally coming home after a long yet victorious stay in a hospital. It's somewhat comforting and even soothing to have him back in the house again.

Even if it is just a pile of bones.

To tell you the truth, i don't think i will be afraid if i ever hear a bark or feel his presence at home. In fact, i really wish he can appear some times and play with me as he always did when he was much healthier...

In Loving Memory of Rubee - My Best Friend and Confidant

I still remember how ecstatic and excited i was to finally have a dog to call my very own.

Hence, when that fat yet elongated furball came bouncing towards us, my heart melted although the teo mummy was in for a shock!

She was expecting to adopt a trimmed dog, not one with all that longish fur covering its body and big, expressive eyes!

Rubee (or 路比 as his then owner called him) had an air of proud arrogance surrounding him and it took us a long 6 months before he finally accepted his fate and looked upon us as his new family.

Maybe he was just pissed that i insisted on shaving off his beautiful long fur. C'mon, it's my first dog and brushing everyday to ensure he was tangle and matt free was seriously no easy business.

Anyway, I was virtually tied to Rubee since that acceptance and he was always ready to be my listening ear and displayed no violent resistance whenever a bear hug was needed.

This deeply intertwined attachment means that the Teo family has never gone on a true family vacation as i would never have the heart to place him in a pet hotel.

Granted there were frustrations with the occasional potty accidents, the stains he made on my dad's highly prized marble floor, the balls of loose fur that seemed to appear from nowhere, his incessant barking that drove us to the walls (and his saliva that stained my countless mattresses).

But i know that deep in our hearts, we did embrace his shortcomings (no one is ever perfect) and continue to shower him with loads of love and kisses.

Two years back, in the midst of consistent vomitting that almost damaged his liver, i thought i would lose him forever.

He was all limp and lifeless when i brought him to see the vet.

With a strong will (and a few thousand dollars), he managed to survive and got really chubby (tipping the scale at over 9 kilograms)!

However, his fur gradually turned white as a result of this illness and instead of looking like a Shih-Tzu, he looked like a snow white Maltese.

Gawd!

Things turned for the worse seven months ago after he was confirmed to have both Cushing disease and an apple-sized tumour in his abdomen.

As my vet-nurse friend pointed out via MSN, Rubee will degenerate bit by bit to the point where his quality of life will be seriously compromised.

My friend was spot on; Rubee's weight started to decline drastically over the span of just a few months. A drop that saw him weighing just 4.75 kilograms.

'Skin and bones' was the best way to describe his physical condition.

He became deaf, his fur started dropping in clumps and he stopped drinking and eating. To ensure he still gets some nutrients into his body, I had to resort to syringing him with grounded kibbles and water.

Eventually, he started to lose control of his bladder.

Finding a pool of urine on the ground was fine but to have him lying on a pool of urine few times a day was too heartbreaking.

That's when diapers came in play! I can now proudly declare that changing diapers is no longer a difficult task for me.

The final straw came when he no longer had any control of his hind legs and started developing painful looking bed sores on them - wounds that would not heal easily without constant, proper care.

I am not a dog and i don't know what pain and suffering mean to them. I had to use my human instinct to gauge and determine how bad, how depressing his situation was and to make a conscientious decision whether to put him down.

Owners have that limitless power over our pets.

A selfish power that seems easy to perform but heartbreaking to decide. At the very least, i know that his suffering will cease to be and he will (hopefully) be in a better place.

All dogs go to heaven right?

With the above in mind, i made the tearful decision to terminate the life of 15 years old Rubee. It took only a moment to carry out such a momentous decision and...

he stopped breathing.

Goodbye my friend...

You know i will never ever forget you and till we meet again at the end of the rumoured rainbow bridge, you shall be greatly missed...

Skinny Thin Rubee

I have just returned from an appointment with my dog's vet; Dr Kasey Tan of Mount Pleasant Springside.

Basically, my fifteen year old (plus minus) shihtzu is in a really bad shape. Weight loss of over 4 kilograms over six months and a 0.5 kilogram reduction over a few weeks are dangerous signs for a canine that only weighs 4.8kg now.

It is frightening to see him in his current state - especially in his weekly bath.

Skin and bones are the best words to describe his physical state. His aversion to food and water plus a nutrient-hungry tumour have taken a heavy toll on a weak body ravaged by ageing, Cushing disease and a few bouts of serious illness.

His used-be-thick and flurry fur coat is now dropping out in clumps and sticking to my mattress which i have personally reserved a spot just in case he needs some warm comfort at night.

The end is coming and i feel really helpless. The least i can do is to ensure Rubee can still maintain a certain level of quality of life and eventually to decide on cruelly terminating it when he turns for the worse.

A decision i am not willing to make....

No, i am not prepared to even make it.

Rubee's Ailment

Rubee's Ailment

Rubee is reaching an elderly dog age of 14 years old and with this comes symptoms that are part of the inevitable aging process.

His bloated stomach was attributed to the intake of food and countless snacks i am guilty of dispensing. His hearing has deteriorated to the extent of being deaf in recent months and his walking has slowed considerably.

All the above are signs of aging right?! There's however one slight problem that raised the red flag that a vet is needed.

As you can see from the picture, Rubee has three lumps at the same area and another one is developing right underneath the anus! It used to be only one lump and the problem was skillfully rectified (by me) by poking a needle and squeezing out the bloody mass. 

My initial plan was to bring him to his usual vet clinic along Upper Serangoon Road and ask for a surgical removal for these lumps, thinking they were no more than common lumps.  

But Dr Theo, the resident ang-moh vet, informed me he suspected that Rubee has Cushing Disease! He came to that conclusion after asking me a few questions. The key answer is that Rubee always seems to be hungry!!!

So what's Cushing Disease?

According to here, "Cushing's disease usually strikes older dogs with a bucket-full of symptoms that can mimic other diseases. Increased appetite, increased drinking and urination, panting, high blood pressure, bulging abdomen, skin lumps and discoloring, hair loss, muscle weakness, and nervous system disorders can occur with the disease"

In addition, "The danger signs of vomiting, diarrhea, pain, seizures, and bleeding do not occur; the pets do not appear to be critically ill. To the contrary, the symptoms often appear to be connected to normal aging. Muscle weakness also causes a reduced tolerance for exercise and lethargy, both of which are typical in aging dogs and cause no alarm in owners"

Only blood tests can confirm Dr Theo's suspicion and i personally took leave today so that Rubee can follow up on the necessary procedure!

He was excited to be out of the house although he had no inkling he will be caged!!! Hahaha. Rubee hates to be alone in a small area and he did what is usual for him; incessant barking!

I can imagine what a big relief it was for the vets and their assistants when i unlatched the cage. Rubee was happy to be out of course.

   

Anyway, there's nothing i can do except to wait for the result.... after paying S$290 for the blood tests! Haiz..... there are only more expenses to come after tomorrow.

*shrugs*

So long Rubee has a quality life. 

I can always earn back the money.

Right?