Friday, July 22, 2005

Life and Death

Life, what is the meaning of life? Death, is it the ending of life? or the beginning of another one? From the start of human mankind to now, everyone wonders the same thing. That's why there are so many rituals, so many customs to do wat are to be done when we are borned and when we.. die.

My maternal cousin, Ralph, passed away this morning at Singapore General Hospital (SGH). His condition was lymphoma cancer and he was only 32, the age where some old business men believe to be the start of life. I was not close to my cousin, never am.

Never saw him for like 5-7 years until a month back, when he went back after chemotherapy. Shocked then was an overstatement because my mum did tell me he looked different after he was afflicted with such horrible ailment. I was not at all shocked but i am still relatively surprised at how cancers can make one looks so different. My cousin was a handsome guy and had been an air steward before but he was not the same after getting this illness.

I felt pity for him but yet i should not be because he was strong and determined to fight back the illness, struggling to stand up against it. I wonder if i have the same strength, the same courage..

I went wif my mum for the wake at Serangoon Gardens. My mum knew my cousin was going to pass away; the doctor had said tat his life was going to end soon.. No chemo, no drugs can help any further to prolong his life. The cancer cells spread too fast, too much..

When i reached, everyone had their heads down, crying, sobbing.. My heart went out for them. My mum started to cry when she saw Ralph’s mum. I can feel their pain, their sorrow. Its indescribable.. Since e body had not arrived yet, i went to Pet Resource to look for girl girl (a stray dog) to lighten my mood.

Ralph’s body arrived at around 5 pm and i reached just in time. Once he was put into the white coffin, all of us proceeded to see him, to talk to him as our last words to him according to chinese custom. No one’s eyes were dry.. Even mine were watering but i tried to fight back the hot tears that were really in a big hurry to roll down my oily cheeks.

Ralph’s father, a usually strong figure, cannot fight back his tears. After the glass was placed over e coffin, big uncle was putting his face on e glass, crying, listening, toking to my dead cousin. But can he hear anything? Maybe no, maybe yes. That's one thing bout life and death, no one knows…

That's why i always emphasize on living life well, happily and yet simply. I have done half, i guess, im happy but not simple enough.

Too much shit i eat and frankly, alot of what you eat has an impact on your life in the future.

Anyway, please pray for my cousin, hopefully he is pain free and happy in the other world, if there is one…

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